The Truth Behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer
by Coyolxauhqui
Summary: Buffy has been offered money for the recording of some years of her fascinating life by a documentary crew. This is then changed as the producers wish, dramatised and put on air as a fictional series (ie. The BtVS that we watch). Slash - S/X
1. Afterlife

TITLE: The Truth Behind Buffy: the Vampire Slayer  
AUTHOR: Coyolxauhqui  
DISCLAIMER: Joss? Oh, *that* Joss. He owns the characters, yeah (but not the "reality" characters... really... they're sort of mine...)  
RATING: how about a nice safe PG-13? There's some slash amongst the Real People but no sex is described. Some is, however, implied (oh, you thought it was really DIY?).  
SUMMARY: Buffy has been offered money for the recording of some years of her fascinating life by a documentary crew. This is then changed as the producers wish, dramatised and put on air as a fictional series (ie. The BtVS that we watch). This is one night in which they watch the second episode of series 6, called Afterlife.  
SPOILERS: Afterlife, and hinting at a later theme, but not giving things away.  
FEEDBACK: Or I'll send Mr the Bloody round to punish you! (no, wait, that's hardly a bad thing...) I mean, or I WONT send him round!  
  
The Truth Behind "Buffy: the Vampire Slayer"  
  
"God, you get so used to these little magic tinkerbell lights, you sometimes completely forget they're there." The young woman mused. She had long, natural ash blonde hair, scruffy jeans that really looked like they'd seen better days and a faded t-shirt with a few dark stains that *refused* to wash out. "Watching our every move..."  
  
"'Fraid that's the way of if, Buff," said Xander, a fairly tall young man with dark hair and brown eyes. He was wearing black combat trousers and a white t-shirt. He sat down in the sofa in his apartment. "Look at it this way though, when they're done, we'll get pretty damn well set for life with the money from the documentary folks. I mean, you already got that advance to fix up the house. I'd call it unfair, but then you went through a lot..."  
  
The door opened, and a just-middle-aged man, recently turned 40, walked in. He was dressed in blue jeans and a smart cotton navy shirt.  
  
"Hey Giles." Buffy greeted her watcher.  
  
"Evening, Buffy, Xander." He said. "Thinking of going on patrol later?"  
  
"Yeah, later." Buffy said. They all looked around slightly uncomfortably. Of course, the actual business of patrolling wouldn't start until at least 9pm tonight.  
  
"Hi!" called a young black woman, Willow, who walked in the door with blond youth called Tom and a chipped vampire named Spike, with bleached spiky hair.  
  
"Oh, hey..." Xander said, "I was meaning to ask one of you guys, can someone give me a hand to fix up the shelves in my bedroom?"  
  
"Uh... I have to get these stakes all sharpened, then after... it... I'm patrolling. But, maybe tomorrow?" Buffy suggested.  
  
"I'll help." offered Spike. Xander nodded, and the two of them walked off together quickly.  
  
"I guess that sorts that out... remarkably painlessly." Giles commented.  
  
"Spike helping voluntarily? There's a first." Buffy agreed.  
  
"I dunno," said Tom, "but at least they don't seem to hate each other so much these days."  
  
"Yeah," Willow said, "and I didn't know Xander had DIY trouble..." a loud crashing was heard from the other room. The scoobies exchanged amused looks.  
  
"I expect they do now." Giles said. "I'll go make the tea." He walked into the kitchen.  
  
"So, what's everyone doing tonight?" Willow asked. She received pointed looks from the others. "Oh! Sorry, I forgot. We're all watching it then?"  
  
"Yeah." Buffy said.  
  
"How long until it's on?" asked Tom.  
  
"11 minutes." Buffy said. "Almost exactly. I know I shouldn't be so nervous, but...they always show me... wrongly. Like, they'll take things they record me saying with the tinkerbell and then say the same thing, but in a different way. It's irritating and confusing."  
  
"Well, I have to say, I think the man who plays me is a ridiculous stereotype of British people." Giles complained. "And he's older than me."  
  
"I got put in as a white girl." Willow pointed out. "Since when was that fair? I thought I should be represented by *some* minority actress, at least. I can't believe people are still so racist. And Tom's a girl!"  
  
"I think they wanted a bigger male influx of viewers." Tom suggested. "What with the lesbianism and that. I don't personally mind it, its entertaining to watch. Ow! But wrong, definitely wrong, darling." Willow smiled at the boyfriend she kept well in line.  
  
"Okay, so who wants tea, who wants coffee?" asked Giles. "Biscuits, too? I see some here, we could probably do with comfort food to ease the anger."  
  
"Oh, you mean the anger with ourselves for agreeing to this whole twisted deal in the first place? For letting our lives be recorded, altered and shown as fictional entertainment? For selling ourselves?" Buffy asked sarcastically.  
  
"That'd be it." Willow smiled. "But remember, $2.5 million each? Not to be sniffed at."  
  
"Yes, well, let's *try* not to smash up yet another TV." Giles suggested from the kitchen. He walked back through, and Buffy checked her watch, and then took the tray from him, and set it down on the table. She, Tom and Willow all sat down.  
  
"Can you go and get the guys?" Buffy asked Giles. "This is going to be starting soon."  
  
"Of course." Giles said, and walked through the corridor to Xander's room.  
  
After a minute, Spike, Xander and Giles returned. The watcher looked pale, somewhat disturbed and had a distant look in his eyes as they sat down on cushions by the couch to watch the TV. The adverts before the show were coming to an end.  
  
"I think I liked the old hair better." Spike commented, looking at the slightly more curly style the actor playing him had. "I mean, they got it right in that one where I'm a punk, all spiked nicely. My nickname ain't "Curl" or "Flat", y'know."  
  
Xander gave Spike a sympathetic half-smile, which was answered by a flick to Xander's ear and a tiny wince of pain. The chip he had in reality was sensitive to how much pain was inflicted and how much violence was intended, unlike the chip the actor had in the programme. Giles shook his head and glared at them. Spike raised an eyebrow, and the watcher looked away, back to the screen.  
  
"Yeah. Well look at constant-glamour Buffy. Since when did I have a new outfit every few hours? And since when did they always stay so constantly clean and in good condition? I'm a Slayer, not a receptionist." Buffy said.  
  
"Hmm, well at least you're not the `badly-dressed' one. I've worn a Hawaiian shirt *once* in my life." Xander said. "Oh, and there's my non existing girlfriend." He pointed to Anya. "I never did figure how she got put in as a long term girlfriend, as I recall sleeping with her one time and then she "got over" me."  
  
"Funny that." Spike said. "Maybe they took pity on you, thought you could do with getting laid once in a while?"  
  
"Could be." Xander smiled. "Guess that's just how they want to show things. At least I'm not with Harmony. Or in love with the Buffster."  
  
"Both of those ideas are farfetched and unrealistic." declared Spike. "I don't go for blondes."  
  
"Please, be quiet." Giles muttered. "We're trying to watch what sort of mess they've made of our lives this time."  
  
"This all happened like a six months ago, right?" Willow asked.  
  
"Five." Giles said sharply, and said no more. They sat and watched.  
  
The episode - one from the new series - finished, and all were left breathing their respective sighs of relief and disappointment.  
  
"I personally think they over estimate raising the dead." Willow said. "I mean, there was no snake, and the skin crawling thing I mentioned? Not literally! I just got that weird feeling."  
  
"I did not *ever* go that weird when you brought me back." Buffy said adamantly. "Stupid creative license."  
  
"Yeah, people raise the dead all the time, and the consequences usually aren't as drastic as I told Xander there." Spike looked at Xander slyly. "As I held him helpless and trembling against the tree." Xander grinned at the vampire. Giles rolled his eyes.  
  
"Before you walked away, leaving me with the lovely Anya." Xander added.  
  
"Winner of the William the Bloody "Least Favourite Character" Award." Spike told him, looking directly into his eyes. Giles cleared his throat, and they looked away from each other, nervously.  
  
"I think you two should probably come clean." Giles told Xander. Xander blinked innocently, looking away from Spike.  
  
"About what?" he asked, folding his arms. Spike kept a straight face and looked at the watcher enquiringly.  
  
"Either one of you tells them, or I do." Giles told them sternly. "I'm not keeping your secrets. I have been there myself, some years back, and believe me - it's better to tell them this way than to wait until it comes up on some bloody TV screen..." Spike whispered the single word `Rayne' into Xander's ear. Xander snickered.  
  
"Do you want me to...?" Spike asked Xander, looking towards their small audience.  
  
"It's ok." Xander said. "Uh...guys? I have something I should tell you."  
  
"Ok." Willow looked over at him, from her place in Tom's arms. "Go ahead?"  
  
"Me and Spike," he said, "kinda have been... or, we sort of *are* seeing each other." For a split second the room was engulfed in stunned silence. Which was broken by Buffy sighing.  
  
"Oh, thank *god*!" she exclaimed. "Now I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder to see if Spike's started his crush on me yet! This is great, great, *great* news. I'm very happy for you."  
  
"Hey." Spike said, with a pout. "I'm slightly offended, I think."  
  
"You guys are all ok with this?" Xander asked, looking around, hoping his friends would understand.  
  
"Oh, yes." Tom said. "After all, it makes me sleep a little easier knowing that...thing with you and Willow will never be repeated."  
  
"I swear, that was no more than they showed it as!" Willow told him. Xander nodded a hurried agreement. "A kiss. One kiss."  
  
"Ok, ok." Tom held up his hands. "I promise I'll stop mentioning it. Forever."  
  
"And I don't have a problem so long as I don't have to *witness* you again." Giles told them sternly.  
  
"Who are you kidding? You know you loved it." Spike replied with smirk. "Well, that's good news then, pet." he said to Xander, and shifted just a little closer to him. "I suggest we celebrate?"  
  
"Hold on just a second." Buffy interrupted. "This is pretty major news, really. I mean... TV surprise moment worthy, definitely. It's the most unusual relationship in our whole group so far. And they're just going to cut it out? Not gain the ratings it would bring? They can hardly leave it in as it is, what with Xander getting married to Anya and all."  
  
"Good point." Xander said. "I don't think they'd cut it out, to be honest, they pretty much go for any money they can get. They're... going to have to make one of us have a secret thing with Spike. Someone that isn't me."  
  
"If it's the Finn boy, someone will *die*." Spike told them moodily. "The only person more ugly than him is the guy that plays him."  
  
"No, he left. Remember?" Xander said. "There has to be someone. Someone single, around the right age, and at least as well known to the series as me to preserve the shock value."  
  
"Hmm." Spike frowned. "Oh no. I can see where you're leading, and I don't like it..."  
  
"He has had that crush for quite some time..." Giles aired another damning fact.  
  
"You can't mean..." Buffy trailed off. Recognition dawned on her face. Spike shook his head slowly.  
  
"Oh god no." he said, looking paler than Dracula ever had. "Please... no." Xander said nothing, but squeezed his hand firmly. This would be a tough time for them all. 


	2. Once More, With Feeling

1.1 A/N: The next two chapters of this story are now up! The big long story is also just about finished too, but I want to read it over again and stuff before putting it up. Sorry it's been taking ages, this real world nonsense sometimes interferes with fanfic…  
  
1.2  
  
1.3  
  
1.4 Once more with feeling  
  
  
  
"Ok, so I missed it." Spike said. "Like I bloody care anyway." Giles, Buffy and Willow looked at him, amusement crossing all of their faces.  
  
"So I shouldn't bother telling you what happened, seeing as you don't care." Willow suggested. Then she started humming a tune, as she looked around the room 'innocently'.  
  
"What… no, forget it. I don't care." Spike sat down, suspicious but determined not to be provoked into asking. They'd tell.  
  
"Spike's right." Giles told Willow and Buffy. "You don't have to tell him what happens in every episode of that programme. He's not interested… just let it rest in peace." And with that, everyone burst out laughing. Spike scowled. Laughter about him was annoying, and especially so when he didn't know why. But he wasn't going to ask them. No way. Humans have no sense of patience, unlike immortals, who could wait *forever* if they wanted.  
  
Suddenly the door burst open. With a look of fury, Xander stormed into the living room.  
  
"That is *it*!" he exclaimed. "I'm sick of letting those idiots run our lives like this!"  
  
"What idiots?" Giles asked Xander, who was pacing the room in anger.  
  
"Well, duh. The TV people." Xander said. "That *ending*. God, Spike, aren't you pissed?"  
  
"Didn't see it, and I don't…" he fidgeted, trying with all his might to resist the urge… "Oh, fucking hell, just *tell* me. What happens?"  
  
"Here, Spike." Willow tossed him the video in her hand. "Don't worry, Buffy's just as upset about this as you will be?"  
  
"As I will…" Spike marched out of the room to play the video immediately. Buffy put an arm around Xander's shoulders.  
  
"It's hard, I know." She said. "Let's just hope it's not going to go too far in the near future. I mean, it probably took you a long time to work up towards anything else… right?" Xander smirked. Then his face fell.  
  
"I'm not watching that show ever again." he swore.  
  
Spike walked through a short while later, and opened up the fridge, taking out a blood bag and quickly popping it into the microwave for a minute. He didn't look to be taking things so badly. Xander sighed with relief, maybe it didn't really matter at all what the TV people said. It was horribly wrong, but if Spike could control his temper, *anyone* could.  
  
"You saw it?" Buffy asked, delicately.  
  
"Uh, lot of singing and stuff, very funny." Spike said. "Dawn summoning a fake demon that looks like the Mask, etcetera. Nothing too bad."  
  
"How can you say that?!" Xander asked, hurt. He could at least show a little recognition of the wrongness of it all. Xander looked questioningly at Spike. Spike frowned.  
  
"I paused it… it's not quite finished yet, a few minutes left to run. There's something bad going to happen?" Xander nodded gravely. Without another word, Spike grabbed the blood and ran through to finish watching the episode.  
  
"I knew it was too good to be true." Giles said. "Spike staying calm through adversity? Not bloody likely."  
  
"I'm sure he'll be able to handle it." Willow said, fooling nobody – not even herself.  
  
Spike stood at the door, game-faced and angry as all hell. "Slayer…" he managed to vocalise one word through his clenched fangs. Buffy looked suddenly alarmed. She might be the Slayer, and Spike might be chipped, but with that look, she had little doubt he'd manage to somehow kill her. And he was stepping towards her.  
  
"Hey!" she exclaimed. "This is just as bad for me, remember? Not my fault. I didn't write it."  
  
"Spike…" Xander said, from behind him. "Don't blame her. It's the writers, they…"  
  
"WRITERS!" At that word, Spike whirled around and roared, and then fell to his knees, clutching at his head.  
  
"There, there." Xander knelt down and kissed him on the forehead softly. Buffy, Willow and Giles smiled.  
  
"Aww." Willow said out loud what they were all thinking. Buffy felt a fuzzy feeling inside, before she remembered who the two of them were, and she frowned.  
  
"Okay, boys. Enough." Buffy told them. Reluctantly they separated, and stood up. Spike still looked sullen, as did Xander and Buffy.  
  
"Hey, guys!" Tom breezed in cheerfully. "Willow, I got the stuff here, want to try that spell?" he paused a second, seeing the three moody faces. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Spike's just seen something on TV." Willow said, and smiled. Tom cocked his head, curious.  
  
"Seen what?"  
  
"The vision of power gone mad!" Spike looked wild and unhappy. Xander petted his shoulder in a comforting gesture.  
  
"Don't worry." Tom told them, trying to look on the bright side. "They can't keep things going this way forever. Even the viewers can why this is wrong."  
  
"Yes." Giles spoke up, the voice of pessimism. "But I think we all know it's going to get worse, before it gets better." 


	3. Smashed

Smashed  
  
  
  
Laughter echoed throughout Giles' living room that night. Not the usual bitter, sardonic chuckles, but the laughter of six friends enjoying something comical on their television set.  
  
"Oh, I can't believe it… it's great!" Buffy smiled to the others. "I'm actually enjoying this episode now."  
  
"That wacky trio." Willow nodded. "This is probably very close to what happened, for once."  
  
"I like how they froze up his arm," Spike said, "it looks like something those pillocks would do. Getting things wrong and all."  
  
"You know… I think that maybe this episode won't be so bad after all." Xander said. Even Giles seemed amused. They relaxed. All so relieved to see themselves out of the main storyline, that they didn't even consider how very much worse things might get within the hour. The episode played on.  
  
"Hmm," said Willow, aware of some eyes on her after the scene of her turning Amy into a human girl again, "again that is pretty much how it happened. Except for the Willow's dating girls bit. Not my scene…" she kissed Tom on the cheek. Tom shrugged.  
  
"Look, I know you love me Will, but if you ever want to bring a friend home… invite her to stay… maybe…" Willow glared at him. "Ok, ok, sorry! But it's on TV every week, saying my girlfriend's into that sort of thing. Things like that, they tend to stick in your mind."  
  
"I'll pretend I didn't hear anything you just said if you get me a cup of tea." Willow told him, patting him on the arm. With an exaggerated sigh, Tom stood up. He walked a few steps to the door, when the chorus of voices hit him…  
  
"One sugar, no milk!"  
  
"Coffee with milk!"  
  
"Tea, two sugars!"  
  
"Orange juice!"  
  
"AB positive!"  
  
He scowled at the gang of eager faces, then trudged through to the kitchen. Funny how Tara never got this sort of grief from the Scoobies on TV…  
  
"Ok, now since *when* could I hit the Slayer?" Spike asked. "Are they saying I got my chip out? Are they… I don't get it." Xander shrugged.  
  
"Wasn't some of that *our* real conversation?" he asked. "I called you a thing. I said the bit about the bad kissing decisions."  
  
"I grinned the evil grin." Spike added.  
  
"They're saying you could hurt me?" Xander asked. "That's dumb, I mean you might leave me a bit sore the next… Hey! Look, you're going to bite that girl!"  
  
"That didn't happen." Spike sounded confused. They waited. "Oh. It *didn't* happen. Not even on screen. Damn, I thought I'd got my chip out."  
  
"You still want it out?" Xander asked, looking up at him with a hurt expression in his brown eyes. Spike shook his head firmly.  
  
"I'm happy now. I have everything a bloke could ask for, ok?" he promised sincerely. "I just thought it'd make the programme funny." Xander smiled, and they snuggled closer together. The episode continued…  
  
"Hey, I remember that phone call," said Xander, grinning at Spike. "You lied, and said you could help with the demon."  
  
"Haha, yeah." Spike nodded. "Sorry about that. Isn't it weird how, aside from the chip business, this seems to be a completely true episode."  
  
"You did threaten the geeks with Boba Fett to get information." Buffy pointed out.  
  
"I did turn Amy into a human being, then we went out and had fun at the Bronze." Willow said.  
  
"And I was a little annoyed with Willow for making Amy human." Tom added. "Or really, for just spending more time with her than she did with me. I felt left out."  
  
"Aww, honey, I'm sorry." Willow said.  
  
"But the episode's just about finished, yeah?" Xander asked, frowning. "This is as much as we see."  
  
"What do you mean? There's still a while to go…" Buffy pointed to the clock on the video player. Xander's face fell.  
  
"Oh! Look, it's going back to Willow and Amy! Great!" he exclaimed, sighing with relief.  
  
"What?" asked Spike, looking at his lover in confusion. "What's wrong?"  
  
"You remember the phone call," said Xander quietly, so the others wouldn't hear, "do you remember what happened *after* the phone call?"  
  
"Yeah, we… Oh, Christ." Spike looked at Xander in shock. "They wouldn't. Not… nah, they couldn't. Don't worry." They waited, watching anxiously. The rest of the Scoobies seemed a little bored.  
  
"Me and Spike are fighting again… which hasn't happened in a while." Buffy's commentary ran. "But it's TV, they exaggerate, it's probably just to make an otherwise boring end of the day seem exciting."  
  
"Very boring." Spike nodded. "Nothing happened at all. God, I wish they'd stop showing us in that abandoned building. I mean, I didn't know they had places like that under surveillance. I had no idea…"  
  
"I wish the same thing." Xander said. "When was an abandoned building even relevant? Never! I hate this programme!" Spike gripped Xander's hand firmly.  
  
"Well, I guess it's better than seeing us kissing." Buffy said, looking round with a smirk at Spike. Spike looked distinctly unhappy. "Isn't it?"  
  
"I think we should turn this off now." Xander muttered. Buffy looked between them. They were both obviously *more* than uncomfortable now.  
  
"Nothing… went on… then. That was a months ago, you weren't together then like you are now. Right?" she demanded, glaring at Spike. "You and Xander, you didn't go to any abandoned building in real life, did you?"  
  
"Oh can you blame me?!" Spike asked. "I wanted a moment's peace from being constantly watched! I wanted to talk to Xander alone, in private. I thought I'd found somewhere the cameras wouldn't be… but, no, apparently they like to follow me." Xander nodded in agreement.  
  
"We just needed time alone to talk, that's all." Xander said. "They're just showing fighting instead, that's… that's ok. Fighting works."  
  
The six of them sat and watched as the end of the episode unravelled.  
  
"They're… not fighting, exactly." Willow said, looking blankly at the screen.  
  
"I wouldn't say… talking, either," said Tom. "Just to clarify… they're doing what I think they're doing?"  
  
"Oh yes." Spike said, sounding annoyed. "They are. Funny how they suddenly decide to be all accurate and that with… well, I mean, kids could be watching."  
  
"Accurate?" Giles asked. "This is what *happened*? It's been going on for this long and you've told none of us? And that soon? Did you not think to wait until you were both… sure?"  
  
"I… I was sure." Xander said. "I'd been trying to put it out of my mind before, but it was then that I was sure. I was ready." He looked lovingly at Spike, who put an arm around his shoulders in return.  
  
"Oh… god." Buffy said, mouth hanging open. "I'm watching the "artistic interpretation" of Spike and Xander's sex life? This is not right! This is… creepy! It's got the girl playing *me* involved!"  
  
"Damn that thing." Spike said, glaring at the television with intense malice. "Why? Why would someone invent TV? The world was fine without it! Can't I have a MINUTE alone to myself anymore!?"  
  
"To be fair, you didn't seem to be *completely* alone." Giles pointed out.  
  
"Shut up." Xander said. "The TV will pay, Spike, I promise. But let's just go home now, ok?"  
  
"Ok." Spike agreed and allowed himself to be led out of the room by the arm. 


End file.
